Matahari not so much

Man, I hope she keeps fictional secrets better.

Jennifer Garner accidentally reveals the gender of her unborn child.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9515278/

A little something to discuss over chai

Paheli has beat out Parineeta as India's entry for possible Best Foreign Film Oscar nomination.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/ltd/1243893.cms

That's not how I would have called it.

But then I couldn't get "Piyu Bole" out of my head if I tried. And I have tried.

The eternal debate has been set to rest

Tyra spends an episode of her show getting felt up -- I mean, proving her breasts are real.

And to think I've been missing a show of such high journalistic caliber! Set VCR to . . . slumber.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9427670/

Don't be proving Omarosa right, people

Kathy Griffin files for divorce from husband, Matt. For those who watched My Life on the D-List (I think that includes me and . . . me), there is one response -- WHAT?!? But -- with the -- exclamations of devotion and the -- apparent compatability and the -- WHAT?!?

If this is true, reality TV is, indeed, not real, which means Omarosa is a nice person and . . . no.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9503377/

Kidman reveals affinity for Team Sanity

Kidman doesn't mention Cruise, but everyone else does. Why did these two crazy kids break up, anyway? Stubbornly irreconcilable world views or enormous height difference -- you decide.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9503378/

And just when the shoe phone was making a comeback

Okay, so, when they relate how he broke his hip last year, they totally left out the part about how it happened while he was foiling a KAOS plot in a special nursing home for spies, because otherwise, I have to be very sad.

Oh, wait, still am.

Agent Smart, Inspector Gadget, we'll miss you!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9493390/

Intelligent Design proves oxymoron, once again

Trump to spawn for the 5th time. Later, though, when the entire human race, regardless of gender, has a disatrous comb-over, all will join in the cursing of the Darwin.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9503114/

Dashton now legal

Let's do this Hollywood-style: First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes a baby and some legal carnage.

Okay, so it's a slant rhyme. Sue. Me.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9481719/

I'm not a couch potato -- I'm a political activist

In this week's Newsweek, Anna Quindlen argues that TV-watching and -understanding should be required for our political leaders, to enable those who are separated by privilege to understand the daily life of an average TV-viewer.

Yes, because watching Surreal Life reruns doesn't feel divorced from reality at all.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9466928/site/newsweek/

You can go back to liking him now

The groping incident against Christian "No, really, not channelling Jack Nicholson" Slater has been dismissed.

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,17398,00.html

The M&C Guide to the Fall Season: Monday

8:00 Arrested Development

Don't make us come to your house and make sure you're watching this. Because we will. And not just because you might have snacks or a bigger TV. Though those are good reasons. But in this case -- we will be at your house so that your television is set to Fox at 8:00 on Mondays. Because this brink of cancellation thing for the funniest show on television -- that's just wrong, and, when not critiquing or gossiping, we are all about the righting of wrongs.

After you have watched AD, you have other semi-promising, Buffy- and Freaks & Geeks-alum-starring options:

8:30 (Fox) Kitchen Confidential
8:30 (CBS) How I Met Your Mother

Yes, the rule that if it sounds good, it's scheduled against something else good, still holds.

The Columbian Cartel Diet

Remember when Kate Moss was all, "I eat all the time," and "It's all the exercise."

Oh, wait, that was Lindsey Lohan.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9398569/

http://people.monstersandcritics.com/article_1036272.php/
Kate_Moss_and_Lindsay_Lohan_lose_weight_together

Do we want to know what the "cleansing" regimen was?

Hi, My Name's ZOMBIE

One of the people bidding to have their name used in a Stephen King novel was willing to mortgage his house for the honor, and the winning bid (not his) was eventually $25,100.

"How many times," said the man willing to potentially lose his house, "do you have the opportunity to purchase immortality?”

1) I understand that people have done dumber things for charity, but this was clearly not all about the altruism of donating to the First Amendment Project;

and

2) I heart King's work as much as the next guy, I do, but the only "immorality" in writing I know is to be written about in (a) Shakespeare and (b) hieroglyphs, and this is neither.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9398676/

Scam or service?

The Writers Guild of America is either retrieving unclaimed foreign royalties on behalf of writers or padding its own budget with someone else's profits. The Guild staff could not be reached for comment, as they were at a massage-and-maitai retreat in Tahiti. Team-building, you know.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/19/business/media/19guild.html??th&emc=th

My Personal Emmy-nity

Every year, regardless, the Emmys disappoint me. With the Oscars, there seems sometimes to be a chance that something a little more unusual will be slip in and be recognized before the staid voters notice -- a Silence of the Lambs, if you will. I mean, there was even something interesting, in its way, about Titanic winning -- as in, you mean, they're willing to recognize big-budget cheese?

But I never feel any suspense when it comes to the Emmys, and after weeks of reading how this was "a whole new Emmys," "not your parents' Emmys," I thought, Huh, maybe it'll be something this time.

And? No. The choices are pretty much as staid as usual -- they all have a feeling of after the fact.

Felicity Huffman for Desperate Housewives? Am I the only one who watched that woman wow every week on Sports Night? (Well, apparently, since it did get cancelled.) Where was her Emmy then?

And my admiration for Tony Shalhoub is large and fierce, but should we really be giving him awards now that his show has jumped the shark (Free Sharona, USA bitches!) and his character, once finely drawn and grounded in what seemed like real emotion, has sunk into a repetitive flourish of senseless quirkiness?

Doris Roberts and Brad Garrett, love and more love, really, but do we need to award Raymond in its senility a kind of memorial recognition? It's not like the cast and the producers didn't have a few statuettes to polish already. It's not like the show had never been recognized.

And I'm just not impressed by the award for Lost, though, in the Battle of the Shows With Enormous Buzz That I Do Not Watch, I'm glad it, rather than Desperate Housewives, took home a prize. But, nevertheless, it was almost a foregone conclusion, predicted by pretty much everyone professional and amateur. The award (unlike, I've heard, the show) just wasn't a surprise.

I'm a little happy about the Daily Show win, but at the same time, thinking about its competition makes me sad, because what else is out there with even comparable vim and vigor? Not much.

Maybe I'd feel more satisfaction with the whole thing if I watched less niche TV than I do. But I watch niche TV because most mainstream TV, not unlike the awards it garners, lacks, for the most part, the ability to take my breath away. Sigh.

All the results, for your opining pleasure:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/19/arts/television/19emmy.html??th&emc=th

See, watching TV can be a good thing

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/16/tv.record.ap/index.html

Suresh Joachim has broken the world record of TV watching, in addition to his other 16 Guinness records, including the longest duration balancing on one foot (76 hours, 40 minutes) and bowling for 100 hours. He's been watching TV in the lobby of WABC-TV in New York. Joachim says he does these things to raise awareness of suffering children. Watching TV to help others? I can get on board with that.

(Seren, in case you're wondering, yes, I am dumb enough to walk by ABC every day and not notice a guy sitting there watching TV. I thought he was the security guard. Ha.)

I guess they don't call it "black humor" for nothing

Per MSNBC, it's okay for D.L. Hughley to joke about Louisiana looters, 'cause he ain't white.

Per Hughley, it's okay because he's funny. I'm inclined to agree.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9369306/

Best comedy lesson ever:

Ten years ago, Hughley said, he participated in a Harvard University seminar on comedy with Robert Klein and Joan Rivers. The question was posed: was there any subject they considered out of bounds for comedy?

Yes, Klein replied. There had just been a flood in India that had killed thousands of people. He saw nothing funny about that.

Rivers piped up: “I just want to know. Who got all the jewelry?”

Hughley filed that away as a lesson.

“The event itself, of course it’s not funny,” he said. “It’s the ironic things around it that everyone can relate to.”

Top that, People! Okay, maybe don't.

A scandal-monger for Us magazine celebrates the anniversary of Lolita in his own icky, icky, icky way, attempting an Internet seduction of a 13-year-old who turns out to be, whoops, an FBI agent.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9359551/

Feel our pain

Weep for California. The Governator is offering to mislead for another term.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9369026/

Now, don't you feel foolish, Jack White?

Forged by one natural disaster, Renee and Kenny's union could apparently not survive another.

Or, rather, in much the same way that we had no clue what really brought them together, we have no clue about what really tore them apart.

Zellweger-Chesney: annulled!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9358634/

Am I the only one who gets confused by what exactly an annulment means? Per http://marriage.about.com/cs/annulments/a/annulments.htm, civil annulments may be granted for different reasons in different states for any of the following reasons:

Bigamy
Incest
Fraud
Insanity
Mental Disability
Impotence
Under Legal Age of Consent
Marriage Not Consummated
Incompetence
Duress
Misunderstanding
Concealment
Incapacity Due to Drugs or Alcohol

Imagine a scenario in which each would apply here, e.g., Kenny previously married his sister while drunk. See how I combined three in one? How fun a party game is this?

How little dreams become real

Two who were part of the animation team on Corpse Bride were once ten-year-olds gluing fake fur to GI Joes and making paper people walk.

Also, Ray Harryhausen, you have a lot to take credit for.

http://www.calendarlive.com/printedition/calendar/cl-wk-movies15sep15,0,7650793.story?track=tothtml

Happy Birthday, Lo

On the anniversary of Lolita's publication, the NYT has an excellently written and informative OpEd by Stacy Schiff.

For example: Wow.

In 1955, Paris was a city rather than a celebrity; stars of X-rated films did not write how-to books; and "obscene" was a designation for art rather than a denomination of money.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/15/opinion/15schiff.html?th&emc=th

Bono-ificent

Okay, so, I haven't read past the first page of this article, but even that page was worth posting. (I'm totally going back to read the rest. Yes, I am. No, I won't just watch TV instead. Oh, hush.)

I know that it's fashionable to be skeptical of the sincerity of celebrity politicking. Mostly, it seems to be the strident conservatives pooh-poohing the efforts of a liberal celebrity, which -- stop it. But also, I think it's true that, in the end, not to interrogate actor activism for self-interest leads us to Ronald Regan and the Governator, respectively.

But Bono! Working his pro-Africa wiles in diplomatic circles! I swoon.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/18/magazine/18bono.html?th&emc=th

(Shout-out to Katie, whose fault it is I went to a U2 concert. I'm pretty sure it was U2's fault I freakin' loved the show.)

The Hollywood Half-Hour

David Spade is back, promising to snipe with style. He seems to think that his years as Finch and the No man have dulled his edge, but he's getting it back. Hope so. I'd tune in for that five minutes dressing down Gwyneth Paltrow alone.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/15/arts/television/15spad.html?pagewanted=1&th&emc=th

Can I just note, on behalf of my girl, Kathy Griffin, that it seems intentional they don't mention her even in passing? Mssr. Spade is not the only enemy of the celebrity state out there. Whatever, NYT.

From Pop Princess to Queen Mother...sort of

Britney has FINALLY given birth. Anyone else out there thought she was 15 months pregnant with all the PR and the size of her belly?

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,17362,00.html

Nick Lachey isn't the only "notable" 98 Degree member

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9342336/

Just one more thing to add to the list of obsurity.

Method or madness?

Hugh Laurie allegedly not partying it up with his costars.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9338819/

Sela Ward (love her) has done much of the defending for me, but I'd just like to add: So, he doesn't want to hang out with the stars of Uptown Girls and Urban Legend? And that's supposed to make me . . . hate him?

All in favor of an increased sentence?

Russell Crowe is asking for a reduction of the felony assault charge against him, because, as a convicted felon, he'd apparently have a difficult time with immigration, even so much as losing his right to work in the U.S.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9338807/

Let's review.

Violent acts prior to this one: Brawl in a bar, brawl with coworker, brawl with his own bodyguard, on-stage brawl with producer of awards show, brawl, brawl, brawl.

Broken marriages (not his own): 1, that we know of.

Movies before Hollywood: Better.

Movies after Hollywood: Bloated.

When you're arguing for a reduced sentence based on your importance to the film industry, best not to have Proof of Life in your arsenal.

Not so much a metaphor -- for the sheep

A producer of a Croatian reality show in which viewers vote for members of a diminishing flock to get eaten says it's a comment on reality show mores.

Croatian performance art really takes no prisoners. At least no woolly ones.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9341239/

Not Wacky, Just Weighty

Heidi Klum and Seal have given their newborn son an admittedly family-related, but seriously lengthy moniker. I'm going to suggest "Hank" from now on.

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/breaking_
news/12642845.htm

The M&C Guide to the Fall Season: Tuesday

WTF with Tuesday, people?

Tonight's premieres:

8:00 Gilmore Girls
8:00 Bones
9:00 Supernatural
9:00 House

Next Tuesday:

9:00 My Name is Earl
9:30 The Office

Later in the month, Tuesday:

9:00 The Amazing Race
9:00 Commander in Chief

Have the Networks taken the advent of Tivo so to heart that they're not even bothering to spread out shows in a watchable way? I don't own a cell phone. I don't own a Tivo. My TV is connected to my VCR and only records on one channel.

I'm going to go play with my sticks and rocks now.

Miss Congeniality goes to . . .

Elijah Wood, who finds not only rumors that he is gay, but doctored photos of himself and his fellow Hobbits in compromising positions, to be hilarious.

I'm not all-growed-up-Elijah's biggest fan (did he or did he not peak with Radio Flyer?), but someone who doesn't settle allegations with punative lawsuits? Awesome.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9272751/

Shh, don't jinx it

has been Matt Damon's relationship philosophy of late, publicity-wise, so my eyebrows are a little bit raised regarding news that he's engaged. Not because he's "reportedly" engaged -- I wish the couple well -- but because I heard a hint of it before it was a done deal.

Please don't tell me this is a backslide to the days of breaking up with your girlfriend on Oprah before she even knew about it, Matt.

http://www.zap2it.com/movies/news/story/0,1259,---26751,00.html

Curse you, penguins!

Some religious conservatives think March of the Penguins is a message about intelligent design. George Will, though, thinks not. Applying the little-deployed tactic of logic, he notes, "If an Intelligent Designer designed nature, why did it decide to make breeding so tedious for those penguins?"

God, I hate having to side with George Will. I have to go shower now.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/13/science/13peng.html?pagewanted=1&th&emc=th

When Franchises Collide

Internet scuttlebutt reports an adaptation of the James Bond-as-youngster novel Silverfin may star Daniel Radcliffe, also known as Harry Potter. It's all very vague.

http://www.zap2it.com/movies/news/story/0,1259,---26720,00.html

Getting kinda Tyra'd

Or do I mean sick and Tyra'd? The Tyra Banks Show (yeah, I hear you, Janice -- they're all the Tyra Banks shows) premieres on Monday.

Watch to see the spectacle of a self-awareness shortage. And also read, to hear how Tyra keeps it real, 'cause her mama said so.

http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,271%7C97430%7C1%7C,00.html

With great power comes great responsbility

Previously on M&C, we saw how stop-motion animation could be used for good. Now, see how it can be used for -- not so good.

A stop-motion animated musical about the Manson family. I'm sorry -- what?

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/va/20050909/112626492400.html

Do we deserve such riches?

After a cruel, dull summer, both The Corpse Bride and Wallace and Grommit: The Curse of the Wererabbit are given unto us.

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=1102127

(Also, note to self: I'm in the wrong field. I want to be a stop-motion animator when I grow up.)

So far? All about the subtlety

Headline: Ang Lee brings his gay cowboy film to Venice
Subtitle: 'I hope it will penetrate prejudices.'

Wow. My dirty mind didn't even have to break a sweat on this one.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9177469/

This shouldn't make me as happy as it does

But it does.

Scott Baio is joining the cast of Arrested Development, replacing Henry Winkler as the Bluth's attorney.

Can you imagine where they're going to go with him? I don't even know where to start. That, my friends, is how fruitful a casting decision this is.

GOB says it best:

"We're thrilled to have Chachi here. I'm hoping Pat Morita is next."

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/eo/20050907/112611360001.html

The Cho-sen One

I think this article is supposed to be all sympathetic and praising and empowering, but there's something about the tone that's weirdly belittling actually. Instead of being about how powerful Margaret Cho's humor is (because . . . daaaang), it comes off as "Ooo, wook at how powewful the wittle fing is!"

Nevertheless, I link to remind myself to go rent/buy her new DVD.

http://www.calendarlive.com/printedition/calendar/cl-et-cho3sep03,0,5714494.story?track=tothtml

Rice's Wrath

Anne Rice is a wee bit ticked about the shameful response by government agencies to the Hurricane Katrina disaster.

Is it just me or is a wrathful Anne Rice a little bit scary? If I were the head of FEMA, I'd be sleeping with garlic, dude.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9209643/

Good News: Raising Helen 2 Postponed

Does Garry Marshall have the professional qualifications to direct a comic operetta? On the one hand, Laverne and Shirley. On the other, The Other Sister. Shudder.

But, for some reason, I feel less dread at Garry Marshall tackling opera. Then, again, I don't really go to the opera, so maybe I'm just happy that some other genre is distracting him, so he'll leave the movies alone.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/04/arts/music/04lord.html?th&emc=th

Another Theme Park-Paparazzi Smackdown

Park employees at California Adventure sacrifice themselves to protect Reese Witherspoon, et al., from a (literally) pushy photographer. I must have missed the announcement: Is Disney offering combat pay now?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9240309/

(Also, I'm liking the brunette look on her.)

Inside the Outsider

With the release of a recut Outsiders, S.E. Hinton allows a rare interview:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/07/movies/MoviesFeatures/07hint.html?th&emc=th

Goodbye,Lil' Buddy

http://www.tvguide.com/News/Entertainment/

Bob Denver passed away at the ripe old age of 70. Oh, how I wanted to be Mary Ann to his Gilligan. *sigh*

Media Hype

I really hope "Speak" lives up to the media hype.

http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,271970761,00.html

Say no more ... at least until after it airs

http://www.tvguide.com/News/Insider/default.htm?cmsGuid={1674BF76-0F39-439F-B308-0F8DEA5D35A6}
Sundance audiences who read Anderson's incredible book Speak spoke favorably about the movie. That relieves me a tiny bit, but my bigger worry is PR spoiling the plot as well the translation of a story so immersed within the narrator's head to the big screen where anything expressed within the character's head is expressed by the dreaded voice over. (shudder) The actress Kristen Stewart seems to have a good handle on what is required of her character, so here's hoping ...

iPods and Harry Potter

I've just discovered Podcasts. For those of you with long commutes, have iPods and love Harry Potter, you're in for a particularly nerdy treat. Available on iTunes and on Mugglenet.com, these are a series of discussions about all things HP ranging from conspiracy theories to the movies to speculations to what they loved/hated about prior books to fan questions to multiculturalism to prose, etc. You get the gist. I would post particulars, but I don't want accidentally to give away spoilers. Caution: yes, some Podcasts (called episodes) feature spoilers, but they tell you ahead of time so that you can remain spoiler free if you choose.

Being a great lover of nerds (nothing warms the cockles of my heart more than a great guffaw over an academic joke), I found these Podcasts to be endearing. They reminded me of a bunch of friends sitting around talking about something they felt passionately about. Sometimes they even resemble literary discussions found in the classroom.

Check it out! They're free, too!

Neither mean nor catty

In light of the recovery process in New Orleans, please donate what you can to www.redcross.org or at least keep a good thought for the folks who lived through Katrina.

Thanks.