Wednesday, July 27, 2005

So, you've finished Book 6?

And you can't wait until November 18?

Do you think he'll play the blood sacrifice angle?

Nah. I mean, it's not like he did that in The Passion. Or Braveheart. Or like -- wait, I've never seen Man without a Face, so someone else will have to tell you if someone gets tortured/drawn and quartered in that one.

All the way through Lethal Weapon, you thought he was thinking about the Three Stooges and, like, method-acting about the deceased spouse, and all that time, he was thinking, I wonder if I can convince Donner that Riggs needs to be doused in buckets of blood here.

Mel Gibson, the only man who creeps me out worse than the TomBot. I think I'll call him Serial Gibson.

The star of all our Underoos,1259,---26341,00.html

And, because the theme song is going through your head right now -- I know it is:

Yeah, I'm not very patient

I think MeiMei has a secret source of her information (*cough* Comic Book Guy *cough*), so I had to Google on my own.

Dark! Crystal! Sequel! News!

And since you all showed such enthusiasm for the film, some bonus materials:

If you have to issue a press release

that says you're happy? You're not happy.

Me, however? Happy. D'Onofrio and Noth? A buffet of moody mystery.

I'll pretend to care whether your numbers pick up

I think I stopped watching NBC regularly when they cancelled The Others (circa 2000?), but it's still fun to watch their execs be trodden by the media, isn't it?

For a more nuanced reading of Cusack's career

And for those of you who don't already scour MSNBC for the next 'Tara vs. Sarah', allow us to introduce you.

Best child star evah

Reading this article, and trying to scrape up something snarky to say here, I have come to realize that I have a quiet, undying adoration of Kurt Russell. And I'm not just talking Snake Plisskin-Jack Burton, cool-and-easy-to-admit-adoring Kurt Russell, I'm talking Overboard-Captain Ron, omigod-seriously?-you-cheesehound Kurt Russell. I'm talking Solider. Yeah, I liked it. I liked it a lot. You wanta make something out of it? You wanta take this outside?

Who's your SpyBaby?

This is kind of MeiMei's beat (I don't actually watch Alias), but I think she's off all dazzling the soap opera world right now, so I'll just have to pretend I'm her for a minute and be -- uh, outraged? curious? amused?

Don't go chasin' reality shows

There has got to be some serious rolling-over in celebrity graves, of late.

Also, Left Eye was kind of a quadruple threat, wasn't she? Singer, dancer, rapper, arsonist. They left that off.

Reer! Hiss, hiss!

I didn't even watch the show, and I know Peterman was robbed.


Well, that was fast.,1002,271966121,00.html

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

"Because I'm a girl, silly."

See that quote? I'll buy dinner for the first person to name that movie!

All be fair, here's the full quote:

"I don't have wings. Why do you have wings?"
"Because I'm a girl, silly."

Thus, my first introduction to "girl power."

HINT: One of the best movies from the 80s is getting a sequel...and an animated series! Let's hope it won't be another disaster like Neverending Story II--that story clearly needed to end.

HINT 2: As for the movie quote, think Jim Hensen. be continued...

Macaulay Culkin Part II

Looks like we have another Macaulay Culkin on our hands! Oh, Frankie, I thought you were going to be the Hollywood child who would prove my skepticism wrong ...

Dirt! And then some more dirt!

Scan quickly through the stuff about Clay Aiken being a greedy S.O.B. and read some priceless quotes by Brazilian journalists on our beloved American celebs.

Also, the Post-Partum Depression Tag Team Debate continues: Kelly Preston, up against the ropes, tags in Lisa Marie Presley (by reference), and Brooke Shields, hardly even down, takes breather, and Tom Arnold fills in. I know! Tom Arnold!

Also, right now, there's a picture of Britney with that stupid "I have the Golden Ticket" t-shirt that points at her belly, and it occurs to me that her baby needs a classic t-shirt: an upward pointing arrow and "I'm with Stupid."

For auld lang syne, Scotty

How many fake Scots do you really have to look up to in life? One: James Doohan.

James T. flounced around and got all the credit, but when it came down to it, it was Scotty's jerryrigged engines that saved the day every time.

I agree

Kids, get off the drugs. The grown-ups need them right now.,1259,---26300,00.html

Shut-up! No, wait, tell me more.

Could this one be beamed directly into my head, somehow? I don't think I can wait long enough for it to actually come out on DVD.

Christopher Walken is an awesome liar

God, I love him. Have you seen Mouse Hunt yet? Well, have you?

(Make sure you scroll past the other lie-related matters on the page -- he's at the bottom.)

I'm not sure how I feel

Saturday morning cartoons really meant two things in my childhood: Dungeons & Dragons and Smurfs. I debate: long overdue or a desecration of all that was once good and blue?

If they do make a D&D movie, we'll know that Hollywood is officially tapped out.

The nerves call it

In case you were wondering -- Jen or Brad, Jen or Brad? Your neurons have chosen for you.

Also, I guess that explains this:

I, too, like to use as few brain cells as possible in my TV viewing.

Making amends, are we, George?

Sorry. Episodes 1 through 3 still hurt too much.

Unless, of course, you'd like to hire me. I could be a great -- what do they call it? Oh, yes, screenwriter. You seem to have an opening. No, really, you do. Trust me.

Man, I'm old

John Cusack's been acting for 20 years. I think I'll go take a nap now, if my danged walker doesn't trip me up.

Okay, apparently Britney needs to make a buck

Yeah, "Nicole," right.

And also -- isn't Colin Farrell's entire career built on rumors of his sexual prowess? This would hurt?

If only

If only there could have been some way for Sienna Miller to have foreseen this. Like, you know, PAST BEHAVIOR on Jude's part or something. (I'm sorry -- what did you say, Sadie Frost, Jude's ex-wife? "Payback"? I don't know what you're talking about.)

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Fez's OTHER superpower

I guess this explains how Wilmer gets all the starlets: he's a superhero in disguise. Or maybe he looks good in tight leather pants.

File this under, "Who?"

Following the steps of Renee, Sandra is getting married....

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Yet another reason


1) Wash your hands after contact with the Step-Brad.
2) Keep him away from your newly adopted Third World child.

The French strike back!

Though not nearly as harshly as I would have hoped. I mean, it's not like the French actually welcome the average American, is it?

Once you read past the shocking behavior towards the TomBot, there is priceless copy from Mimi (who has apparently emancipated her wits), and there's a bit at the bottom which reminds you why Aint-it-Cool is, well, cool.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Wrong and . . . wrong

The chintzy "ET Hollywood Couples" link was on the sidebar of Yahoo! news, so I clicked it.

Not only does the opening page feature couples that have already broken up, but the quiz to find out your celebrity "soulmate" is both blatantly transparent and simplistic (select Harvard and Will and Grace to get Matt Damon) -- and when I took it the first time, it paired me up with Jamie Foxx.

Yeah, no offense intended, but not so much.

(Okay, okay, additional investigation has lead me to discover that when you click on the broken-up couple, the icon "Splitsville" and then a list of exes comes up. Ha, ha, so -- misleading. And I love to be mislead. Really, I do.)

I declare a miscast!

A movie about a serial killer -- and they cast Gary Oldman as a lawyer? I'm confused.

Healthy working relationship? Not so much, I'm thinking

At least at my work, we don't try to settle things with press releases.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

This is what the "honeymoon phase" looks like

At least try to look happy while you're saying the rehearsed lines, Kate. The Patty Hearst quality is a bit off-putting.


I need say no more, for those in the know.

For those times when TWOP isn't enough

Hooray! Looks like Miss Alli's got a regular column over at MSNBC. This article isn't her best work (for that, see her recaps), but give it a glance, so she gets the credit for the click.

Again, with the originality

Oh, look, a "Pack." It's been so long since we had one of those.

Also, I think my crush on Owen Wilson may have died recently, and I just noticed. I think I'll have to watch Bottle Rocket a few times and cry myself to sleep.

(And now it's back -- dangit.

Somebody took the engagement news a little hard

Please film the birth in night-vision, B. Oh, wait, please don't.

Is Britney Spears carrying twins? asks MSNBC. (Yeah, I'm not exactly in their employ; I'm just lazy in my surfing.)

I cringed through ten minutes of Chaotic last night. Dang that VH-1 for putting it on before my new favorite show, Kept. I wish that Chaotic were running a refund deal like Cinderella Man -- I assume the deal is that they have time machines outside the movie theatres that not only give you back your $10.00 if you don't like the movie, but they give you those 2.5 hours of your life back, right? Because those ten minutes last night -- I could put those to use elsewhere.

For example, I could use them for the extra ten minutes of therapy I need after having watched Britney's new video for the song she wrote to her potential progeny two whole weeks before she found out she was pregnant. You can consider her prescience either a lucky coincidence, if you're naive; a foregone conclusion, if you're a cynic and believe neither Britney nor Kevin have the skill set to operate birth control succesfully (in which case, welcome home); or a "Prophecy!" if you're Britney Spears (and please say that while wearing really ratty extensions and flinging your arms Annunciation-like above your head). The short version of the video is: Look, Britney's the Madonna. No, not Madonna. That is so two years ago. Jeez. Keep up. The Madonna. She brings all the sophistication you'd expect of a Mouseketeer to the role.

Take my word for it -- all that hoopla about Kevin being beneath her? She traded up.

I'm actually not posting this for the irony

I think that the headline has that covered. (Tuna, pool, water -- I think the point is made.) It's just that -- this man lead a seriously interesting life.

Zeriously? Well, contgratulationz.

The bad things about my not posting daily are (1) I'm freakin' trolling the websites anyway, so it's not like I don't know all the unimportant things I usually write about -- they're still all taking up space in my brain; and (2) I feel as if you all will be unimpressed by my days' old news, and since I live to impress you, it is sad, sad, sad for Seren.

So, knowing that it would hurt my feelings if you were to do otherwise, please pretend the following item is fresh, even though even MSNBC has taken it off its front page.

Angelina is the next Josephine Baker/Mia Farrow, with her international brood. I know. It does actually fit, when you think about it. Naked dancing + British accent faking. See -- the math works.

However, I'd like to ask Step-Brad to step off. I mean, who's press is this supposed to be?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

M. Diddy talks straight

Martha Stewart speaks candidly about ankle bracelets, surfing the Internet, renovating her house, blah, blah, blah ... and then ...

... her crush on Jon Stewart. (!!!) Finally, she says something interesting! AND something we can agree on!

Monday, July 04, 2005

The Goblin King's crush

On the one hand, Jennifer sounds a little bit Christian Bale-intense. On the other hand, she rocked the oversize vest in Labyrinth. Don't say she didn't.

Free Katie, seriously

Can we get Amnesty International on this one?

Here and Now no more,1,16867,00.html?eol.tkr

So sad.

Oh, Jen, honey ...

(I know the Affleck-Garner union was already mentioned, but EOnline had a priceless comment that I had to include...),1,16853,00.html

I know you're adventurous and all, playing SpyBarie and all, but did you have to "go where no woman has gone before--down the aisle with Ben?"

Then again, he does make the perfect SpyKen--bland. I never did find anything under my Ken doll's shorts.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

In a drag-down, knock-out? My money's on Shields

She can totally take him. Please. She could put him over her knee like a five-year-old. (Is it okay to admit that I liked "Suddenly Susan" now?)

They're . . . not?

Hong Kong administrator apparently thinks Bond films are porn.

Maybe Tom's next marriage will be like this.

A little more quiet. I think we've all learned to appreciate press releases after the fact now, haven't we?

So environmentally friendly -- we even recycle news

A story about how People magazine got a story. I haven't done my homework to confirm this, but I'm betting that this counts as a publicity piece for a magazine owned by the same mothership, I mean, corporate parent.

For my recent plane trip, I bought six different entertainment magazines, and not only did they have the same "news" over and over -- they even had the same pictures. All they'd done was Photoshopped different captions over them.

Are the pickings so slim, Entertainment Journalists of the World?

(P.S., Like I should talk.)