Please film the birth in night-vision, B. Oh, wait, please don't.

Is Britney Spears carrying twins? asks MSNBC. (Yeah, I'm not exactly in their employ; I'm just lazy in my surfing.)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8499524/

I cringed through ten minutes of Chaotic last night. Dang that VH-1 for putting it on before my new favorite show, Kept. I wish that Chaotic were running a refund deal like Cinderella Man -- I assume the deal is that they have time machines outside the movie theatres that not only give you back your $10.00 if you don't like the movie, but they give you those 2.5 hours of your life back, right? Because those ten minutes last night -- I could put those to use elsewhere.

For example, I could use them for the extra ten minutes of therapy I need after having watched Britney's new video for the song she wrote to her potential progeny two whole weeks before she found out she was pregnant. You can consider her prescience either a lucky coincidence, if you're naive; a foregone conclusion, if you're a cynic and believe neither Britney nor Kevin have the skill set to operate birth control succesfully (in which case, welcome home); or a "Prophecy!" if you're Britney Spears (and please say that while wearing really ratty extensions and flinging your arms Annunciation-like above your head). The short version of the video is: Look, Britney's the Madonna. No, not Madonna. That is so two years ago. Jeez. Keep up. The Madonna. She brings all the sophistication you'd expect of a Mouseketeer to the role.

Take my word for it -- all that hoopla about Kevin being beneath her? She traded up.