Jack White takes his stunt marriage seriously

If the rumor mill is to be believed (and does it really have to be believed to be simply enjoyed? no, it does not), Renee left Kenny because he either wouldn't or couldn't have children.

And now her ex, whose whirlwind marriage followed quick on the heels of Renee's, is expecting a kid.

Somebody's hugging their Oscar, crying, and eating chocolate pudding right now.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=1358628

The Shields camp recruits another

Claire Danes announces her allegience to Project Tom-Is-Crackers.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9916523/

Why context is good

This is one of those weird articles about personal lives that I usually expect to see connected to a movie project. This one, weirdly, isn't.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10241437/

Like, newsflash: Jet Li in love? Okay, that's important news for those of us who might have been considering using him as one of our fantasy boyfriends, as in, Crap, what am I going to do on Thursday night now? (See how to play at http://ultratart.typepad.com/ultratart/2005/11/sex_fantasy_cam.html), but I'm not really sure how it's as important to the rest of MSNBC's readers.

Thanks for randomness, MSNBC! Love ya!

The hills are alive with the sounds of . . . B.S.

Per Julie "I Previously Had Seren's Childhood Worship and Respectful Adult Opinion" Andrews, Cameron Diaz would make the best Maria in a remake of The Sound of Music.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10243511/

I could use this space to wax poetic on all the things I don't like about Cameron Diaz. Just to start: #1: Single skill consists of acting more sincere than she is in real life, which is why she's so likeable as Princess Fiona, because the animators gave her more facial expression and range than she has in reality. #2: She's like Julie Roberts in that, every time I see she's in another movie, by reflex I think of twelve or thirteen more talented actresses who would not have been a great, big black hole of suck in that role. #3, God, she's smug. Isn't she smug? And now she's forcing Justin Timberlake on us in various supporting roles in her movies. (MeiMei adds by phone: And she can't sing.)

But you know all this for yourselves, don't you?

Basically, I'm not sad because someone has suggested Ms. Diaz for a wildly inappropriate role beyond the limited scope of her "talents" -- that happens on a daily basis in Hollywood. I'm sad because now I'll have to boycott Victor, Victoria every time it's on cable. Why, I ask you, why must I be punished for other people's idiocy?

As they say in Serendian. . .

I don't know what's funnier: 1) the serious journalistic tone of this piece, or that 2) seriously, journalistically, we learn that Enya's new album is recorded in Loxian, a language made up by her lyricist.

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=1331872

You know, now, don't you, that the next time you go to a Renaissance Faire, you'll be expected to converse in Loxian? And I was making such progress on my Elvish. Useless, now, I guess.

Astronomical terms have lost their shine

Look, I'm not going to say that this whole thing about Pluto not being a planet hasn't seriously gotten me down. Because it has. What justice is left in the world when it's perfectly acceptable for astrophysicists to pick on the runt of the solar system? He just wants to hang out with the big kids, the gas giants, the terrestrials. He may just be a pebble of ice, but give him a chance. He'll show his mettle.

But then there's this:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10086264/

"Kimberley Stewart to wed 'Laguna Beach' star." Star? A star?!? Admittedly, I haven't watched the show in question, but when you count out the orbital rings from the heat of Hollywood's center to wherever it is 'Laguna Beach' lands you, you're not even in the Kuiper belt, asshole.

Astronomical taxonomers, you have my apologies. It's not just about semantics.

People's Sexiest Men 2005

My TV husband Daniel Dae Kim has been named one of People's Sexiest Men in 2005! This is groundbreaking for an Asian American MALE to make this list, but also goes to show that People is finally learning what I already know: Asian Men (who are not Mama's Boys) are HOT!

http://people.aol.com/people/galleries/0,19884,1113899_1129983_8,00.html

Some of you may be scratching your heads, wondering why I call Daniel Dae Kim my TV Husband when I already have Topher Grace, my TV Boyfriend. The answer is simple: Topher is young, so he's my boyfriend. I also share him with Seren. Daniel is older and plays one half of a smoldering married couple in "Lost," thus he's my husband. A girl can have both, you know, esp. in fantasy land. ;)

Proof Oprah really does have good sense

Oprah was just as mystified and horrified as we were when Tom Cruise jumped on her couch, maybe even more so because she was less than two feet away from him.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Entertainment/story?id=1303070

A moment of silence, please

The smartest, funniest show on TV--Arrested Development--has been ... *sob*... ca...can...I can't bring myself to say it. You'll have to read about it below:

http://www.tvguide.com/news/entertainment/

You mean it's okay to act like I normally do?

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Health/story?id=1299032

New study indicates it's okay to run screaming down the hall, ripping your hair as you go. All right. Well, I feel much better now.

Tyra attempts to mingle with "normal" people

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1280787

We normal folk were blessed with Ms. Tyra's presence, albeit in a fat suit. As Tyra described her experience as a normal person, two things come to mind:

-Didn't Gwyneth Paltrow or someone on 20/20 do the whole skinny-girl-wears-supposed-fat suit-and-is-appalled-people-are-mean-to-her? Seriously, if you're shocked that people are crude based upon your appearance (including ethnicity and gender) then you must have been living on that LOST island all these years--or you're incredibly naive. If you're either of the two, please don't speak to me.

-Tyra's use of the word "normal" seems to define those who are not skinny, wealthy and famous. I'm glad to be normal. Again, Tyra, please don't speak to me.

Take note, Kate and Tom!

This is how you deal with child-having and marriage in "Hollywood":

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,17692,00.html?fdnews

Again, Jen Lindley outclasses Joey Potter in art and in life.