Thursday, March 23, 2006

Too close, too close!

You know how you feel when you've missed a near-catastrophe? This morning I got in a minor altercation with a fellow driver who decided to flip a U right in front of me on a narrow residential street and who then, when I honked in "Hello?!? Someone freakin' behind you here!" exasperation, flipped the bird at me. Mostly, I found myself giggling as I flipped it right back -- because, seriously, two white chicks in tiny cars flipping each other off? Priceless, really. But as I drove along, it eventually occurred to me that maybe that was a little stupid on my part to honk and return gesture so vehemently. If one of us had a gun, we'd really just have been thatclose to being an item on the evening news. So, watch it, Seren. You've got to be more careful, I said.

And then I saw this: Tom Cruise was in Sunnyvale, CA, on Tuesday. Sunnyvale? Sunnyvale is right across the Bay from here. I still buy my shampoo in Sunnyvale, at the discount drug store next to the haunted Toys 'R Us. Freakin' Sunnyvale?!? That, my friends, is too close a call.

His molecules were way too close to my molecules. My molecules are reacting in violent revulsion. Ew.

Tom was in town at the invite of Yahoo! (which, Yahoo!, why? Do I have to completely switch over to Gmail now and never read Yahoo! entertainment news, because you are now tainted?). There was a stage involved, on which Tom allegedly displayed such a keen sense of humor as to perform an ironic, self-mocking chair jumping. O, ha, ha! O, what goodwill he accrued! And then rapidly spent. Because you know he then had to drag Katie out on stage and fondle her stomach in this way -- this -- way -- I can't describe this way except to say, go look at the picture. He loves her, really, he does. He doesn't just love her as a womb or an alibi or an actress, certainly not as an actress, since she isn't one any more since she met him, or wait, I may be forced to concede she's the best actress ever, because she's smiling in this picture. And I have to look away.

The whole sordid event will be covered on tonight's Inside Edition. You could always tune in, I guess. I warn you -- I'm sure it's not for the faint of heart. Or stomach.


Blogger TadMack said...

The other day I ran across more evidence that these people should not ever appear in public. Or, rather, maybe that one cannot appear in public without the other... and the requisite slobbering. What was worse was the realization that I could turn away, but that the child eyeing them ...cannot. As a child, he's stuck with the madness at least a couple of weekends a month until he's maybe 18... or the fa├žade falls apart. Scientology Sunday School. Wow. And I thought my childhood was questionable.

Fri Mar 24, 12:23:00 PM EST  
Blogger katie said...

Ew. That is so close to me that it could've been me and TomKat honking/flipping each other off yesterday. Ew.

Fri Mar 24, 06:22:00 PM EST  
Blogger MeiMeiLn said...

Oh my god...saw the picture...I'm going to be in the corner of the room now curled into a fetal position.

Sat Mar 25, 12:33:00 AM EST  
Blogger LLA said...

Oh Joey Potter, we hardly knew ye....

You know what sounds more interesting than the trainwreck that is TomKat? The story behind your haunted Toys R Us! Is there a story there?????

Sat Mar 25, 07:35:00 AM EST  
Blogger Seren said...

Tadmack, I didn't know there was a worse picture out there, but there was, and you found it, and, now that the horror of it has made me a permanent insomniac, I DO NOT THANK YOU FOR POSTING IT.

Katie, I did think of you. Had I known of the event in advance, I would have warned you to give the Peninsula a wide berth.

MeiMei, I feel. your. pain. (Even though I inflicted it with the link.)

LLA, the story behind the haunted Toys 'R us is described briefly here: MeiMei and I toured the establishment, venturing even to the women's restroom where the faucets were said to turn on by themselves, but other than that creepy feeling I get when I'm around too many Barbie dolls (beady plastic eyes that know too much), we felt nothing supernatural. Johnny Johnson was apparently exercising the horses in a different part of the old homestead that day.

Sun Mar 26, 09:36:00 PM EST  
Blogger Tea said...

This is a BRILLIANT post! I'm kinda glad said horrific event happened, just so I could enjoy you being snarky about it. But then again, I'm kinda sick.

Fri Mar 31, 04:35:00 AM EST  

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