Hey! I'm an (imaginary) celebrity aunt!

Mazel tov me, everybody!

Jake just called with the news: Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard just welcomed into the world my (imaginary) celebrity niece, Ramona!

A normal name, people! A normal name! How?!? When?!? Thank heavens they're raising her in NYC, because can you imagine how hard those Hollywood kids would come down on her for her freakishly sensible name?

And if you tell me her middle name is Quimby, I shall swoon.