Thursday, July 20, 2006

Maybe he just saw a dead person in the road -- or maybe not

Hey, Haley Joel, inexplicably I have not held AI or Pay It Forward against you (mostly because I avoided watching that second one, which -- phew, stinker, I hear). So, out of this strangely lasting affection I bear you, I'm going to put together a little former child star PSA for you here.


Haley Joel Osment hospitalized with minor injuries after driving into a brick pillar at two in the morning.


Daniel Baldwin hospitalized with serious injuries and arrested after threading the eye of the needle through traffic while going 80 and, oops, slamming into two parked cars.

Lord knows, every teenage boy I grew up with did something similar, Haley Joel, usually something involving garbage cans or lamp posts or, tragically, someone's cat, and there's no evidence that you're doing anything less than wholesome, Haley Joel, but -- Former Child Star. And not that Daniel Baldwin is a former child star (he has the equally heavy burden of being a Baldwin), but you can see what I'm getting at, yes?

Eyes on the prize, Mr. Osment. (If you cannot yet perceive the prize, have Elijah Wood point it out to you.)


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