Okay, everybody, go back to hating him now

Michael Douglas takes back the only sensible things he's ever said. (See earlier Apocalypse Alert! for backstory.)

Apparently, Mr. Douglas has apologized to "good friends" Brangelina. Wait, I'm sorry -- do you have to apologize for being misquoted?

Regarding the quotes, Andy Ward, executive editor of GQ, from whence the quotes originally came, says:

We stand behind them 100 percent. For him to suggest we made them up is laughable. Still, we like the guy and hope all this attention will help his movie.

Now that, my friends, is some seriously professional insinuation of ulterior motives. Study its grace and artlessness, how it employs a casual tone and faux sincerity.

As a gourmet of the fine retort, I say, Four out of five scalpels, Mr. Ward. No, four and a half. Well-played.