Something about fish and a wooden cask of some sort?

Really? I mean, really? Bronx Mowgli?

Ashlee, Pete -- are you really trying to style yourself as the ersatz Posh and Becks? At least when they named their kid "Brooklyn," I could look away and pretend it was some foreign affectation (if by "foreign" you mean "ever so slightly extraterrestrial").

And it's a well-known fact that the hero of the Jungle Book is Baloo. To say nothing of how we might want to reconsider naming our children after characters in the works of imperialism's pithiest apologist. I'm sorry -- was Gunga Din taken?

And nothing says, "Hi, I'm a very minor celebrity!" like a fauxriginal name. You might as well get this kid a show on VH-1 right now. Maybe Flavor Flav can help you with a nickname or two.

This whole thing is so minor, in fact, I can't even call what I'm feeling "outrage". It's more "mild bemusement at a particularly sad grab for national attention." If it's attention you want, kids, name the kid Motor Oil Roosevelt HappyThoughts -- you know, something that has a surrealist art to it. If you're going mad, go big mad, you know what I'm sayin'?