Surreal smackdown

Does this, or does this not, sound like some crazy-ass dream you'd have after passing out in front of the TV after an evening of drinking dirty martinis and watching a marathon of E! "news" specials? (Not that anyone here has ever done that.)

Tommy Hilfiger, fashion designer, wails on Axl Rose for moving his girlfriend's drink at Rosario Dawson's birthday party.

My points are:

One: Somebody put the Hollywood social setting on "blend" that night. The "celebrity crowd" included "Lenny Kravitz, Mickey Rourke, Kid Rock, Peter Beard, Molly Simms, Wentworth Miller, Ann Dexter Jones, Lydia Hearst and Damon Dash." Like, who knew that these people even knew each other? Though I guess that's my first mistake: I invite only people I know to my parties.

Two: Circa "Welcome to the Jungle," would anyone have been willing to throw down with Axl? Oh, what two decades of plastic surgery and isolation have wrought!

Three: Tommy Hilfiger? I don't think I read that right. Tommy Hilfiger? Patrician, sporty, geriatric Tommy Hilfiger? Before this, I thought that dude could take you in a sailing competition or something involving, you know, pleats, but now? When I saw that story on E! about how rappers had adopted Tommy Hilfiger, I thought they were talking about his clothing line. How wrong I was.

Four: In a "celebrity crowd" including Mickey Rourke and Kid Rock, these are the people who end up brawling?

Five: I've said it before; I'll say it again: Who the heck is Rosario Dawson? No, I mean, really? I know she's "Rosario Dawson," the name actress who's supposedly going to sell us all on Clerks II. But I can't think of a single distinguishing performance that would warrant her level of name recognition. Let me put it this way: Who is this woman, and what has she done to deserve Wentworth Miller at her birthday party?!?