Can't wait for the People spread on this one! Oh, wait, I can.

Tori Spelling got married this weekend with much less fanfare the second time around.

Typically, the only thing that would interest me in this story is: What was Mimi Larue wearing?

However, comments made by the groom du jour, Dean McDermott, about his no-really-I-think-she-should-be-blushing bride have made me thoughtful.

I’ve never had as much of a desire to get married and make a woman my wife as I’ve had with her. The feeling is overwhelming. We’re soul mates.

Firstly: Wow. I bet that sure makes his first wife feel special. (Hers is gonna be one kick-ass tell-all.)

Secondly: Is the VH-1 Laundromat for Slightly Soiled Celebrities so powerful that my watching one episode of so noTORIous has me actually worrying about Tori? Narrative is powerful, people, and the story of Ms. Spelling as hapless and well-meaning almost has me wanting to pull her out of the way of that oncoming car and say:

Honey, you might want to think about what that man means when he says "make a woman my wife," because clearly it means "take advantage of her minor national celebrity status, performing all the requisite celebrity activities -- e.g., adopting Third World children with her -- until such time as someone younger and richer, with both a higher tabloid profile and greater leverage with the Lifetime Network, comes along, at which point he will leave her scrambling for her last shred of dignity as a Page Six item while he issues press releases about how this time he really feels it."

On the other hand, Dean? Maybe you should be asking yourself something similar about your new wife. (Somewhere, bitterly, possibly into a half-empty Scotch, Charlie Shanian says, Word.)