Revenge of the Hair Stylist?

For those of you living under a rock, the last Stars Wars movie, Revenge of the Sith, debuts May 19. Of course there are spoilers, speculations, and headlines galore surrounding the multi-billion franchise. We all want to know how Anakin succumbs to the Dark Side, thus donning the Darth Vader helmet. Among other burning questions: Why are twins Luke and Leia separated? Does Vader even know that he has a daughter (according to Stars Wars: A New Hope, not likely)? How blind were Yoda and Obi-Wan to the threat that is the Emperor? Why do some Jedi's disappear when they die and others simply crumple like mere mortals? Is there a planet full of little Yoda's running around (How freakin' cute would that be?!) Why does Mace Windu (Samuel Jackson) look so constipated when he swings his light saber?

All good questions, and hopefully they will be resolved in Revenge of the Sith. However, the biggest, most burning question in my mind is: What the hell happened to Natalie Portman, a.k.a Padme Amidala, Darth Vader's wifey-poo and absent mother of Luke and Leia Skywalker?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7864167/

Did Hayden Christenson accidentally swing his light sabar too close to her head during a training session? Did Natalie suffer from heat stroke in the Tatooine desert? Is R2D2 practicing for his hair stylist license? Did the Ewoks or JarJarBinks give her space lice? (Oy, Natalie, if the latter is true, I know your pain!I got lice once, when playing seventh grade softball. We all shared the same helmet. My hair was so short and ugly that summer that I scared my dog. Not an easy feat, trust me.)

Anyone who can shed some light on this matter, please contact Mean and Catty, Inc. We cannot rest until this matter is resolved!